A work in progress

Okay, let me start out by saying that I have always been a carnivore.  I mean I have LOVED meat my whole life.  Beef in any form was always my favorite.  Short ribs, brisket, burgers, steak, even steak tartar. Not to mention carnitas, bacon, turkey dinner, I loved it all, with no qualms about it.

However, one fine Sunday afternoon I was perusing the cookbook aisle at my local bookstore, (looking for yet another cookbook that I wouldn’t use but preferred to have in the house “just in case”) and my eyes landed on a large, vibrantly-colored vegan one.  On the cover was a woman sitting on lush green grass next to a giant, doe-eyed cow.  She was gazing at it adoringly cradling its sizeable head in her lap. 

It stopped me in my tracks. 

In that moment, it suddenly struck me that all of those beef dishes I loved so much came from a gentle, quiet animal much like this one who lounged so peaceably next to the woman.  The cow reminded me of my dog, Mojo, whom I had loved like a daughter for the past 13 years. It’s not like I didn’t know that my prime rib came from a cow, obviously, but I think I had always subconsciously (and conveniently) separated my love of animals from my love of food, and seeing this cow on a cookbook made those two loves suddenly and unceremoniously collide.  The Big Bang, if you will.  I was this close to sobbing like an abandoned 5-year-old in the middle of Barnes and Noble.

A week later, after eating no meat at all, I sort of started feeling like it wouldn’t really be that horrible to have a cheeseburger. Catching myself backpedaling, it dawned on me that I needed to get real.  Like really real: 

I needed to watch the videos. 

You know what I’m talking about.  The ones that people avoid because they don’t want to know the gory details of how that beautiful rib eye made it to their plate.  I was like, I want to educate myself and watch these videos, and if I feel like I still want to eat an entire pepperoni pizza, at least I’ll do it conscientiously.

But it turned out I couldn’t. 

It turned out that I would never be able to un-see the images of the cruelty these poor, tortured animals are forced to endure.  I mean it was so shockingly monstrous. I could never even have imagined the conditions under which these defenseless animals exist.  They are tortured and then violently murdered.  That is what happens. 

I was horrified.

So, almost two years later (with my now 15-year-old dog), I still don't eat meat. And I only buy farm fresh, local, organic eggs. (Full disclosure, I do cave at brunch and occasionally with my mimosa order an omelet with cheese. I’m a work in progress, ya know?) I also no longer buy leather. I plan on keeping what I have for now, but I've discovered that vegan leather is good quality. Gone is the pleather of yesteryear! 

The truth is that the world looks so different to me now that I've identified eating meat as cruel. I used to salivate looking at a juicy piece of steak, now it looks like a sad, bloody death on a plate. I have always loved animals, now I see a soul in ALL things, even bugs. (You should see me trying to get them out of my house without hurting them! It's definitely a loud, scream-filled production.) Every thing and every one has a right to be here and live their lives. I feel like the goal for human beings should be to try to live in harmony with all living things. The planet and life would be so different. 

I am definitely evolving and I love the idea of being a vegan, but I’m not quite ready to go full throttle yet.  One day I will be though. I just gotta watch those other videos.

Bianca DeGroat, Los Angeles, CA